It’s the weekend, and I’m stuck replaying an interaction with a student in my mind.
Do you ever do that? You have a conflict with a student, and now you’ve got that scene replaying itself over and over in your mind.
Teaching is one of those jobs that is very difficult to just leave at work. Aside from the work that many of us bring home to finish, we tend to keep thinking of our students even when we get the chance to do otherwise. Some of these student interactions can haunt us, leaving us wishing we had a second chance to deal with the situation differently.
I had one of those this last Friday.
I generally feel like my students don’t rattle me. My management system works so well for me that most of the time my students and I get along quite well. I give out marks here and there to reinforce my expectations (if you’ve seen my class management video, you know what I’m talking about). And my students respond well to my consistent application of this system.
But each year it seems I get one or two students who refuse to play along with my system. This two percent, as I call it, can take up much of our time as teachers if we don’t handle them appropriately. And it can be so difficult to handle these challenging students.
This Friday I had a minor confrontation with one of these students. During the time we spend silently reading, this student refused to read. I gave him clear directions.
“John (not his real name), you need to be reading. Do you understand my directions?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you going to follow my directions?”
“No.”
“Ok, that’s a mark.” And I moved on. I noted his mark on my clipboard and then proceeded with managing the rest of the class. He sat there, not reading, but not being disruptive either. Later, when it came time to take a short quiz, he again refused. It was a nearly identical conversation.
“Are you going to follow my directions?”
“No.”
“Ok, that’s a mark for not following directions.” And I moved on. Again he sat there quietly, refusing to take the quiz. I had no further issues with that student that day.
The next day comes and he choose to read during class. But when it came time for our reward time, he had earned enough marks to not receive the fun time in the gym with the other students on his team. He was stuck, with me incidentally, in “Frown Friday” along with about fifteen other “Frowners.” During Frown Friday, all students must either work on any classwork they need to make up or read silently. This student again refused. I reminded him that the marks he received during Frown Friday went toward the next week’s Fun Friday. He began to get disrespectful.
Up until this point, I had been able to adhere closely to my plan. I hadn’t lost my cool or gotten involved in his power struggle. I’ve found that the most effective way to avoid the power struggle is to avoid getting into it in the first place. This situation was heading straight towards that struggle, and I wasn’t sure I would be able to avoid it.
When the student received three marks (all for the next week, putting him into Frown Friday already for the next week- not a good situation), I told him I needed him to move to my isolation desk. He refused. Another mark. Typically when I give a student a mark for something, I simply move on. They earned the consequence for their behavior, and I don’t find it necessary to continue to punish that student. What gets difficult is when that student escalates the behavior, even when the teacher avoids escalating it.
This student began making faces and trying to disrupt the rest of the class. The class was enjoying this student’s clowning, encouraging him with their chuckles. The student at one point stood up to do something. I don’t remember what, but I know it was one of those behaviors designed to draw attention to himself. I told him to sit down, but I did it with one word. “Sit.”
And this is where I wish I could take back my next reaction.
You know how you feel when you’re in these power struggles. Inside you your shouting things like, “How dare you be so dang disrespectful when all I’m trying to do is help you grow into a more capable adult?” or “You little blankety blank. Quit being so immature and simply do what I ask!” Many teachers succumb to this inner reaction and say things they later regret.
As soon as the student sat, I told him, as if I were speaking to a dog, “Good boy.” It was designed to be dehumanizing, and it was. The point wasn’t lost on the student. He immediately reacted, as did the rest of the class.
I had taken some power back from the student, and I had a brief moment of “I got you.” Later I realized that what I really did was make him feel worse to try to make myself feel better. I was supposed to be the adult in this situation, and in that one brief moment, I played down to his level. It wasn’t a big deal. I could have done worse. Many have. I have. But I definitely felt disappointed that I let myself slip into that one ego-gratifying moment.
I then tried a different approach, one I wish I had tried from the start of class. I told the students that if they could remain quiet for the rest of the time, I would let them visit for the last five minutes of class. But if any students continued to be disruptive, I would take a minute off their free time. This worked great since whenever any student would speak, a different student would encourage them to get quiet. This positive peer pressure can be very effective as long as the teacher is there to manage it. And it did work here. We got through the rest of the class smoothly, and the day ended without any further situations cropping up.
I wrote that student up in an office referral, my first of the year. I pride myself on not referring students to the office, and to be able to get through three quarters of the year without doing so was my personal best! I spoke with the administrator about what happened, just so he would know the facts. I then called that student’s father, just so he would also know the facts. Great dad. Was very appreciative that I called. We scheduled a conference for the following week. And hopefully we’ll be able to help this student get back on track.
I regret that one moment. It wasn’t too bad, so I’m not really beating myself up too much. But I could have done better. The nice thing about teaching is that our students can be so forgiving. I’ve still got eight weeks to go with these great kids. I know I’ll have a second chance with that student. And next time I promise myself I’ll do better.
Darren B.
